Late Night with Conan O'Brien, guest Kate Mulgrew, November 10, 1998

Transcribed by Saffron -  November 11, 1998

RATING: G

Screen captures by: Totally Kate!

Notes and Disclaimer: I transcribed this, but I don't own the copyright. No infringement intended. Please do not post or distribute. Thanks! ENJOY!!


Conan: You know my next guest as the lovely Starfleet Captain, Kathryn Janeway on Star Trek: Voyager. Please welcome Kate Mulgrew!

[Kate enters and sits]

[cheers & applause]

Kate: I love to see you.

Conan: Oh, thank you for being here.

Kate: It's the highlight of my trip every time.

Conan: Oh really? Well, that's very nice of you.

Kate: You're not only Irish Catholic and charming, but I know that you're fascinated by all things having to do with outer space.

Conan: [chuckles] Yes, I'm an...

Kate: It's true. Don't you want to discuss spatial anomalies tonight?

Conan: Yes, we are. We're gonna get into all the minutiae.

Kate: Yes. Last time it was tricorders and phasers.

Conan: That's right. I'm a really "Trekkie Nerd," as they say.

Kate: [laughs] You are not.

Conan: Oh, is that offensive? That's gonna get a lot of people angry, right?

Kate: Yes. [to audience] How many of you angry already?

[not much response from audience]

Kate: Obviously, there are no Trekkers in the audience.

Conan: It's pretty late in the show, so these people are furious. Congratulations, first of all, your hundredth episode?

Kate: Hundredth episode.

[applause]

Conan: That's great, that's nice.

Kate: Thank you.

Conan: Are you happy about that? That's, uh...

Kate: I'm very happy. It's an enormous sense of accomplishment, which I'm sure you understand very well. You've done a thousand plus of these, have you not?

Conan: Yeah, we've done over a thousand of these, it's just that we start, you start to feel like you're getting into bulk, like quantity, [laughs] ya know?

Kate: Well, I'm not there.

Conan: Ah.

Kate: And after a hundred, it does beg a very interesting question. How many people have done a hundred of anything in their lifetime? I mean aside from the daily or occasionally nocturnal obligations. How many times...

Conan: [laughs] What?

Kate: ...have you done a hundred of anything?

Conan: I have had sex at least a hundred and ten times in my life.

Kate: [laughs] We're gonna talk about mortification of the flesh. Have you done...?

Conan: Wait a minute. No, I'm wrong. I'm sorry.

Kate: [to Andy] What have you done a hundred of?

Andy: Uh, boy, ya know, nothing outstanding. Been on this show 1,000 times...

Kate: I mean, Andy, in your private life?

Andy: In my private life, a hundred times?

Conan: This all we do. We don't have a private life. When the show is over, Andy and I just sit here and they put, like, sheets over us and turn out the lights.

Andy: I probably bought a hundred books I haven't read.

Kate: Now this is fascinating, gentlemen. So you can understand my sense of accomplishment.

Conan: We're pathetic.

Kate: You're not pathetic.

Conan: You know what, speaking of pathetic, I gotta bring something up that has been bothering me.

Kate: Oh, don't humiliate me. What is this?

Conan: Sorry, but here it comes. Um, you're the first female captain of a Starship.

Kate: Allegedly.

Conan: Allegedly, the first female captain and the whole premise of your show is that you're lost... and that's the whole premise of the show.

Kate: I know.

[boos from the audience]

Kate: I mean, ladies and gentlemen... [makes time-out sign]

Conan: Have you thought about this? Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I am pointing out because, believe me, I'm on your side. Heh heh.

Kate: This is spoken like a true Irishman, right?

Conan: I'm just saying that...

Kate: ...the broad got them all lost in the Delta Quadrant.

Conan: Aren't the other people on the ship starting the snicker at you? You come onto the bridge, and "I've got a map here somewhere."

Kate: I don't allow them to snicker. And it's a good thing I did get them lost or we wouldn't be sitting here tonight, right?

Conan: But hasn't the ship been lost for a couple of years.

Kate: Been lost for [starts to laugh] five... long... years.

Conan: That's pathetic. [laughs] You're the Gilligan of deep space.

Kate: Thank God!

[cheers & applause]

Conan: It's not a good thing.

Kate: I think it's very appropriate. It's appropriate, disarming, feminine, and charming that I got us lost, right? Rather than some male saying, "We're stopping at the..., we're taking the I-95..." Have you ever noticed that men will not stop at a gas station and ask for directions?

[applause]

Conan: Kirk....

Kate: They will not stop...true, ladies? [imitates a guy] "We'll get there, by God, you can just..." They're driving endlessly.

Conan: Well, Kirk and Picard never asked for directions, they never admit that they're lost.

Kate: Oh, they were otherwise engaged, most of the time, weren't they, Conan?

Conan: What was that all about?

Kate: I run a strict ship.

Conan: What do you mean those two were otherwise engaged?

Kate: They had a lot to do.

Conan: You know stuff.

Kate: They had a lot of time on their hands.

Conan: You talked about being Catholic, now...

Kate: We have to talk about it because it is our...

Conan: Well I guess, yeah, I find that there's a repression, ya know, that comes with...

Kate: Are you still a practicing Roman Catholic? Can you even say that?

Conan: Oh, I don't get into that. I don't talk about it on the air.

Kate: You never talk about it on the air?

Conan: Let's just say, this bird knows how to fly...that's all I'll say right now.

Kate: [laughs]

[cheers & applause]

Kate: You're giving yourself away.

Conan: But basically, there's not a lot goin' on in my life. [laughs]

Kate: And do you think repression is a big part of that?

Conan: I think repression part of a couple of uh, well, cultures and religions. But yeah, I think Catholics definitely have problems talking about sex. I think they have trouble dealing with those issues. This is not new ground.

Kate: They do?

Conan: Of course they do.

Kate: Nobody in my family had that problem.

Conan: They talked about sex in your house?

Kate: They did a lot more [starts to laugh] than talk about sex in my house, yes. Yes, I think it was pretty liberal.

Conan: You got a lot of innuendo goin' tonight. Have you noticed that?

Kate: Mm-hmm.

Conan: "Mine did a lot more than talk about it, and by the way, Picard and Kirk are off..."

Kate: You'd talk about it too, if you'd been lost for five years.

Conan: So, there was no repression, really?

Kate: There was repression but mostly there was mortification of the flesh, I'd say.

Conan: Back up.

[laughter]

Conan: There was mortification of the flesh?

Kate: Well, you know what mortification of the flesh is?

Conan: Well, you deny your...

Kate: You live in a constant state, yes of self-mortif....

Conan: What do you mean?

Kate: You deny. You deny. You deny.

Conan: You deny yourself the pleasures of life.

Kate: You deny that you're a human like other human beings.

Conan: Right.

Kate: Yeah.

Conan: This is the most serious, theological discussion...

Kate and Conan: ...we've/you've ever had on Conan O'Brien

Conan: I think it's time a puppet should come out or something. I'm getting uncomfortable. People are starting to learn stuff watching this show.

Kate: Do you know what it has given you?

Conan: What's that?

Kate: Your completely irreverent and wonderful sense of humor.

Conan: Wow, what a great segue. You're better than Segue Sam.

[applause]

Kate: Thank you.

Conan: [pause] Aw, gee.

Kate: See.

Conan: I gotta mention this. Star Trek: Voyager, Wednesdays at 9 p.m. on UPN. When are you gonna stop being lost? Is there a point where you get..?

Kate: We're getting home, Conan. I *will* stop at the gas station. I will, yes.

Conan: I just love, you've been telling the crew for five years, "We're getting home!"

Kate: Louder and louder.

Conan: Well thank you very much for being here.

Kate: It's a pleasure, always.

Conan: Please come back soon.

Kate: I will.

Conan: Kate Mulgrew, everybody! We'll be right back with Gomez.

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