Author's Notes: Here we go again, my muse came and stayed after last night's ep, urging me to write something I really hadn't planned on. I knew I wanted to add
something to the ep but it turned out a bit unexpectedly. A huge thanks goes to Saffron who first said I should go and write if I felt like it and then graciously proofread the whole mess for me. Thanks girl!

And here is the story. Amazingly enough it's almost smut-free but not quite.
Compared to my other stories it's tame though <G>

Read at your own risk as it contains spoilers for "Repressions".

*****

Repressions of Another Kind
Rated R to NC-17 (to be on the safe side)
Oct 26, 2000

*****

He entered his quarters around midnight. It had been a long day and they had finally managed to get all of the affected Maquis back to their normal selves. In truth, Tuvok had done all the work but he had been present since he had been their Captain after all.

A lot of them had been confused and surprised when they had learned what exactly had happened. Chakotay had more than a few frayed nerves to soothe. Good thing Tom had taken care of B'Elanna and directed her anger...to other things.

He knew he had to face the Captain at one point and for once, he dreaded it. Thanks to Tuvok he remembered exactly what he had done while under the influence of that man. And he was pretty sure a certain commanding officer of his did as well.

With a sigh, Chakotay ordered the lights to one-quarter illumination and almost jumped when he noticed the familiar figure standing in front of the viewport, looking at him. Waiting.

"Captain. I didn't expect to find you here." Better be formal. Better be safe than sorry.

"I can tell that. You surprised me today as well, Chakotay."

So it was Chakotay and not Commander. Not good. She was up to something.

Slowly, she made her way over to where he stood while she continued talking to him, "I've been wondering all this time how much of what happened was actually you and what was induced by Mr. Teero. I was asking myself if you would have tried to take over the ship when we started out this journey given that the chance was provided to you. I was mad as hell when you escorted me to the brig. In fact I still am. You took away my control today, Chakotay, and that is something I don't like at all!"

"I am sorry. I know that sounds lame but it's all I can offer at the moment."

"Sorry just doesn't cut it this time." Janeway was now standing in front of him, invading his personal space.

By now, he had gotten angry. So, she didn't like to loose control? She had no clue what it meant to loose control. She hadn't been the one being influenced by someone or something that had happened seven years ago...

"I am going to show you what it means to really loose control, Kathryn," he stated in a dangerously low voice and the next minute she found herself slammed into the nearest wall, his large body pressing her against it and his mouth relentlessly kissing her.

Janeway struggled and tried to push him away but when he forced his leg between her thighs and moved it against her center, she surrendered soon enough. Captured by the sensations he was causing by doing this she melted against him.

"That was almost too easy," he thought. "But then again, you didn't really expect her to put up a fight, right?" he added silently. All of a sudden, he decided on a different approach.

He let her go.

She stared up at him with slightly glazed eyes, the surprise about his move quite evident in them.

"Chakotay..."

"I love you. And I am not going to take it back this time. Either you finally accept it and tell me how you feel or you can go back to your quarters. I can't do this anymore. It's all or nothing. Your choice."

He turned around and walked over to the viewport.

The door swished open and then close again.

His shoulders sagged. It had been a risk. He had gambled high, and he had lost. She left. But it had been the right thing to do. He couldn't stand it anymore for her coming to him for some sex every time she felt like it.

At first, it had been okay; after all, it was his Kathryn he was making love to. Just that it had not been making love; it had been sex. Nothing more than that. And he had just ended that.

"I... love you, too," a small but determined voice said from behind and he whirled around, starring at her in disbelief.

"What... what did you say?" he asked.

Now a smile flew over her face and she stepped a bit closer. "I said that I love you, too." It sounded more sure this time and caused a huge grin to appear on his face. With a couple of quick steps, he was in front of her. "I thought you had left."

"I was close to doing it," she admitted then continued, "but that wouldn't have been fair to either of us. Or rather, not fair to you. There are a lot of things I have done that fall into that category."

"What category?"

"Of being unfair to you. Of using you."

"You didn't..."

"Yes, I did. And I don't deserve to hear the words 'I love you' from you but... But if you are still willing to put up with me..."

"There was never any doubt about that, Kathryn."

"Not for you."

"No. And there shouldn't have been any for you either. You constantly surprise me. Sometimes I do get the feeling I am dealing with two women here instead of one. Captain Janeway, strong and formidable and someone you better not get at odds with is one of them. What you have shown me so far has been the Captain most of the time. Although on occasion, just before you left to battle the Borg a few weeks ago for example, you let me see Kathryn, the other side of you. A much more insecure side it seems. Am I right?"

She kept silent for a long moment and then nodded. "Yes. Otherwise, I would have let you in when we were stranded on New Earth. You made me feel so loved with those beautiful words about the woman warrior and after we came back, I often asked myself: Is that really the way he thinks of me? And sometimes, your legend was the only thing that kept me going."

"Why not come to me earlier?"

"It would have meant to give up control. Which is not something I do easily. And I didn't like loosing control over my ship today, Chakotay. Especially to you. I trust you and this really hurt. And so did your comment about 'your' crew..."

He hung his head. "That was a cheap shot and I regretted it the second the words left my mouth but I was mad and angry that someone would go and attack people I consider my friends. I lashed out at the nearest person available. Unfortunately, it was you. I truly am sorry for that and I do apologize. I shouldn't have said that. As for taking over the ship, that thought never occurred to me, not even after coming aboard for the first time. True, there were people who came to me and asked me to do just that but they soon realized that we were in no position to do so. Also, they knew Voyager was our only chance to ever see home again but that meant we needed all of the crew including ourselves to accomplish this. We settled that issue once and for all seven years ago. Many of the people affected by Teero today feel very ashamed for their actions today albeit committed under a foreign influence. The same applies for me."

"I know. And I am glad Tuvok did what he did before things got out of hand any further. I was angry when you put me into the brig. I was even more angry when you returned to release me.."

"I could tell," he interrupted, a small smile on his face as he remembered the look she had given him.

She couldn't help but smile back briefly before continuing, "When I came to your quarters and you were not here, I used my override. I wanted to teach you a lesson. Then you came in, looking so tired and worn out that I felt very guilty. Still, I decided to see things through. Until you set me free from the wall and handed me that ultimatum. That almost killed me. But you know what hurt even more? The thought that I would even consider walking out on you."

"I am glad you didn't leave."

Another small smile crept on her face as she replied, "So am I. So, were do we go from here?"

"Wherever we want to go, I guess. Right now, a shower and a bed to sleep in sounds awfully good to me. How about you?"

"Never had a better offer."

"Well then, why don't you have a go at the shower while I prepare the bed."

"Deal."

He grinned down at her before turning her around and marching her over to the bedroom. Shower and sleep, yes, that sounded just right, he thought and smiled.

The End

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